Our "no"s are powerful. But a life of too many "no"s & not enough "yes"s doesn't just make Jill a dull girl, it leads to a loss of meaning, a loss of self. So if you've living your life on repeat, or maybe you just long for more look to saying "yes" to your life more often. Read on to find out how.
You can also listen to this blog in podcast form right here! Enjoy!
Hello, My Loves!
Our “no” is powerful.
As a woman I’ve always been taught just how important my “no” is, maybe you have too.
In fact, I’ve often been taught that my worth comes from my ability to say “no.” And it’s a notion that’s been heavily reinforced by my time in the self-development world.
Boundaries are, after all, just another form of saying “no.” And goals, too, are a way of focusing on one thing and saying “no” to everything else.
No *is* powerful, and deeply necessary. We can’t have a life of our own without it.
But too many “no”s can make us boring, rigid & put us in a holding pattern.
We end up playing out the same skills, taking the same actions,
covering the same territory over and over again.
Worse, we can end up forming a habit of saying “no” all the time. No matter what’s before us:
Want to go out for drinks with friends?
Not tonight. Too tired. Maybe next weekend?
Go on vacation this year?
I’ll just end up with more work than I started with when I left. Better not.
Should we learn Italian, take a yoga class, go tango dancing?
No way, too hard, too old. Too embarrassing!
“No”s aren’t always a lot of fun.
And too often we aim our “no”s in the wrong direction. At ourselves, at our hopes, our dreams, the adventures we long to go on.
We don’t use our “no” to focus our lives, instead we use them to hide, to play it safe. And that is a recipe for losing meaning in our lives. As Shonda says:
“Losing yourself does not happen all at once. Losing yourself happens one “no" at a time.”
― Shonda Rhimes
So why do we say no to ourselves, to our best lives?
Because "no"s feel safe, it feels very certain. Saying "no" means staying in place.
Our best lives, in contrast, our passion, our joy — the stuff that is going to grow us — is never in the direction of certainty. The best things in life are emotionally risky.
A new love, a marriage. A new business. A baby. A vacation somewhere that excites us. Changing professions. Changing who we are. Shining bright, when we’ve been hiding.
These things thrill us, because they are uncertain, but oh, so delectable & worth the trouble. So worth saying “yes” to...
So this week, why don’t we practice saying "yes" to the things that spark joy in us (maybe even despite the fear or discomfort).
Why don't we say "yes" to the desires you keep circling around and dreaming about, even years later. The ones you can’t let go of.
Why not say "yes" to the dreams that will grow us.
And the reward for doing it well? Well, I think that's pretty well summed up by this quote:
“I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying ‘yes’, then by saying ‘no.’”
—Richard Branson
I want that for you. I want that for me. I want that for us. We need a world filled with people who say “yes” to joy, “yes” to the adventure.
So are you ready to find joy again?
1 Quote
“In the space between yes & no, there is a lifetime.
It’s the difference between the path you walk & one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are.”
— Jodi Picoult
2 Inspiration
What would your life look like if you said
"yes" to your passions?
(Below, Cate Blanchett shows us how it's done)
After watching, pull out your journal & ask yourself:
"Where in your life have you been saying "no" when you know you should be saying yes?
Have you been saying yes regularly to your passions and desires —
even the weird & wild ones?
&
"What might your life feel like if you said yes more often? Would there be more joy?"
3 Weekly Way to Play
Say Yes to your longing
Why don’t you let yourself say yes to a little (or big) adventure you’ve been longing to go on?
Sign up for that salsa dancing class.
Ask the hunk in HR you’ve been eyeing for weeks out for coffee after work.
Rent the kayak and go on the adventure…
Wear the red dress or red lipstick, or red heels you have in your closet waiting for a rainy day.
Book the trip for Morocco or Greece, or anywhere else that has been enticing you (even if it’s for next year).
Say yes to a small adventure that pulls on your imagination, your dreams, your passions… That makes you get up in the morning with a spring in your step and even a few butterflies.
Go do it, and see what magic happens!
This week to say "yes" to yourself in ways that give you more of the passionate, joyful life you want!
And with that, I'm off! I will see you all next week!
Wishing you much love &
Many happy "Yes"s in your life this week!
xoxo
Desiree Sommer
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Desirée Sommer is an Interior Designer & Writer dedicated to helping those around her to
Beautify, Style & make their lives Fun again!
She happily resides in the rural beauty of Idaho with her pet pooch Bree, where she gets to take epic hikes, and plot her next big travel escapade.